Those Awkward Moments
by September Samstar
Summary: So we all know there's those times in the day when you have funny awkward moments. Well here's some, Hetaliafied with varying characters.
1. That awkward moment when you eat a rock

Italy was hungry. Unfortunately, there was no pasta in sight.

"Germany," he whined, "I'm hungry. Let's go to fratello's house and get some pasta." Germany looked up from his mountain of paperwork and sighed. He had just fed him an hour ago. But it would be useless to fight the inevitable.

"I have business to do. Go make yourself something, we have food here." Italy wandered into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Nothing. He checked the pantry. Filled with useless things like flour and cheep food that Vash brought over last week. And we all know that Italy is a gourmet eater, not just an-anything-that-is-out-there-eater. So of course he turned up his nose at such delicious delicacies like Goldfish and Cheese-its.

"Germany, we don't have any good food." The older blonde sighed again and rubbed his temples, while he asked if he really made the right choice in making Italy an ally.

"Well, as I've said before," he said, trying to keep the impatience out of his voice, "I'm busy. Why don't you go shopping?" Italy noticeably brightened.

"That's a great idea Germany! I'll go get some." Italy ran to his room to get his wallet. But when he started to look through it, his heart sank. He checked again. Yep. He was broke. He turned to the door when he heard a shocking yell.

"GILBERT! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" Italy's heart sank again. Now was not the time to ask Germany for money. The Moonbounce Gilbert bought last week was fun until it popped, but he must have used Ludwig's credit card. No one wants to see an angry Germany.

So that's how Italy ended up sitting on the sidewalk outside. He tried to look at the clouds or draw on the sketch pad he brought outside, but all he could feel was the growling in his stomach. Even a piece of gum would be appreciated, just to keep his mouth moving. The sun created a harsh glare, forcing Italy to look down at the ground. Suddenly it was as if the heavens had opened up to offer a gift. A mento! Quickly, and without thinking, Italy scooped it and popped it into his mouth. Biting down, he felt searing pain in his tooth. He quickly spit it out.

"GAAAHHHH! Germany-Germany, help me! I just ate a rock, and broke my tooth." Germany looked outside, allowing for Gilbert to slip out the door. He looked back to his paperwork, not surprised to find Gilbert gone. Shame it's only 10 o'clock. It's going to be a long day.

* * *

**So yeah. I saw this rock on the road on my walk to school and I thought it looked like a mento. I didn't eat it, but I couldn't help but think that it's like that awkward moment when you eat a rock that's a mento. And only italy is ditzy enough to do that. Sorry Italy lovers. I love him too, but he's such a child.**

**So if you want me to continue the theme of awkward moments in hetalia, review and let me know. Thanks.**


	2. TAM when you need to go to the bathroom

Austria had to pee.

I don't mean to be vulgar or anything, but you have to know the facts of the matter. Of course, what made this a problem was that Hungary had just begun one of her infamously long showers, behind a locked door. Like, five minutes ago. So what could he do? He ended up anxiously pacing the hallway in front of the bathroom, while he tried to give himself the false impression that she would get out soon. Unfortunately, that only made matters worse, so he went downstairs and sat at his piano. His leg began to twitch, and he ended up messing up badly.

"I'm a disgrace to music." Angrily he shut the piano. Of course, this isn't helping his bladder. "What should I do?" His anxiety ended up causing him to talk to himself. "I can't get in the bathroom. I need to find another." A light bulb went off in his head, and he pulled out his phone. Scrolling through his address book, his heart sank. The closest person to him was Germany and Prussia; two blocks down. He really didn't want to go to Prussia's house like this, but he realized this might be a time for some humility. Not even stopping to grab his shoes, he ran as fast as he could to his house, while he hoped Germany would answer the door.

"Prussia, Germany, someone, open the stupid door right now!" Unfortunately for Austria, Germany had to go shopping with Italy. Prussia, of course, was eating some of his (actually Germany's) prized wurst and really wanted to savor it. Oh, and let's not forget he wanted to make Austria slightly mad.

"Coming." Five minutes later, he opened the door. By then, Austria's bladder was about to explode.

"I need to use your bathroom now!" Prussia leaned against the door jam, conveniently blocking the door. It was kinda nice to watch Austria suffer.

"I don't know. It might be full."

"Let me in now!" Sufficiently pissed off, Austria looked like he was about to kill Prussia. Prussia, on the other hand, had plastered a cool smile on his face as he savored the moment.

"I will for a price." Austria felt like he was about to blow. It was too late to even walk back home. Hopefully, he had thought, I can get by without giving anything up.

"Fine, whatever you want, just let me use your bathroom." Slowly Prussia moved to the side, and Austria bolted past him, searching for the bathroom. When he came out, he found Prussia leaning conveniently against the wall.

"Were you ever going to get around to teaching me how to play the piano?" I looked at him shocked

* * *

**I'm really sorry if you don't like bathroom humor. I really tried to not make it graphic, and I'm sorry if you hate it. But i promise, I probably won't use bathroom humor again.**

**Next up...is an awkward kiss. Review to tell which countries. If you give me yaoi or yuri, I will make it parental goodnight kiss or something. I don't do yaoi/yuri**


	3. TAM when your friend doesn't understand

Sweden was always a gruff child.

He never really talked with the other kids. His only other friend was Finland, a much smaller, but happier kid. It's not like he didn't like them; it's just half the kids didn't understand him, and the other half weree scared of him for various reasons. Rumors and his height have been working against him for years. So when his birthday party finally rolled around, it's understandable there was only one other kid at the party: Finland.

The kids played outside in the nice weather for about an hour before Sweden's mom called them in for Swedish meatballs. The boys sat on the picnic bench on the back; Finland was swinging his legs as he was short and spent the whole time making meaningless chatter. Which was nice for Sweden, because talking wasn't one of his strong suit. When the boys has finished, Sweden's mom cleared the plates and brought out the cake.

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Sweden. Happy Birthday to you." It was a soft birthday wish, as there were only two singers. But the fact that it came from the heart made Sweden happy. Sweden's mom gave both the boys some cake, and then cut a piece for herself. When the boys were finished, Sweden stood up to give his mother a kiss on the cheek. She was a single mother raising him as best she could, but often came home worn and weary. The fact that she cared so much for her son that she set aside her tiredness to have a party for her son and his only friend was sensed by the little boy in simple terms. And the kid wanted to show it.

Unfortunately, the sweet gesture was ruined. Sweden's mother had only just started on her cake when the boy popped up to kiss her. His head it the plate she was holding in front of her chest, flipped, and fell, plate and all, on his face. Finland started to laugh. His face was plastered with chocolate cake and his hair looked as if it had been dyed blue due to the icing. Sweden's mom quickly tried to hide a giggle behind her hand, already knowing what was due to come next. Sweden looked at him.

"What's so funny?" Finland had quickly stopped laughing. While his friend didn't look angry, mad, or even like he cared about the cake, Finland got scared. The look on Sweden's face was purely emotionless. On Sweden's part though, he genuinely wanted to know why Finland was laughing. Poor Sweden. Poor Finland. Poor Sweden's mother, who had to clean up her son.

* * *

**A/N: Originally this story was supposed to be about a kiss, but I ended up changing it.**

**I'm sorry for any Sweden and Finland fans if I went a little OOC. **

**Tabby-tan, I know you did ask for yaoi, but like I said before, I don't write it. Sorry. But hope you enjoy this anyway.**


	4. TAM yelling for a car wash

All the countries were hungry. And broke.

England didn't have his beloved scones and tea for breakfast that day. America skipped his traditional hamburger. Germany woke up and beat Prussia for eating the last of his wurst. The Italian brothers just ran out of pasta. France, well, had nothing gourmet, or whatever the heck he eats. Japan had no miso and rice balls. So on and so forth. You get the point So when everybody arrived at the world meeting, all you could hear was their stomachs growling. No one had the energy to say anything. Well...almost everyone.

"Dude we got to do something about this."

"I don't know what your problems are. I am way to awesome and don't have to deal with your starvation." Germany looked at Prussia with a murderous glare before grabbing the collar of his shirt.

"YOU DUMMKOPH! YOU ATE THE LAST OF MY FAVORITE WURST. I WOULDN'T BE STARVING RIGHT NOW HAD YOU NOT EATEN IT! IF WE HAVE TO RESORT TO CANIBALISM, I WILL EAT YOU!"

"Calm down Germany. Try to get some sleep." Greece drifted deeper into his dreamland. It's not like he wasn't usually asleep, but combined with the fact he ate no baklava today, he was consumed with thoughts and longings for sleep. Germany, for his part, let go of Prussia and sat back down, but the anger could still be seen in his face.

"We don't have any money! How are we supposed to get food you bloody wanker?" England directed the question at America, as he tried to avoid recurring Germany's wrath.

"Angletirre..." France just didn't have the energy to finish.

"Shut up you frog! I am freaking starving, so we need to think of something."

"I agree with Britain-san." For once, Switzerland didn't threaten Japan with his peace prize.

"Ok, so how do people get money?"

"They get a job or sell stuff." Everyone looked at Italy. Half were a mix of I'm-so-hungry-you're-stupid-no-duh. The other half were a mix of I'm-so-hungry-you-actually-have-a-good-idea-for-once.

"I know, we should do a car wash!" England picked his head off the table, along with the other half of the countries. Everyone looked at him with hope, and begged him with their eyes to say yes, to agree. He rolled his eyes, but then his stomach growled. This wasn't the time for pride.

"I think we should at least try it..."

"YES." Suddenly there was energy back at the world meeting.

When they found a good location for the car wash, they quickly began to set up. By the time they finished, they were ready to wash cars. They waited five minutes, the bled into ten. And twenty. At thirty minutes, they finally got a car. Whooping and hollering they pounced on the car and began to spray it, with the poor person still inside. Let's just say they ended with the person fearfully handing over the cash. Another thirty minutes, and still no cars.

"Good idea America." America smacked England with his towel.

"Hey, at least it was an idea."

"We need advertisement," China said in a prissy way. It understandable, they guy hadn't eaten either. And despite having been through several famines, the other's mood was contagious.

"Germany, you go advertise."

"And vhy should I listen to you hamburger eating dummkoph?"

"'Cause you're just as hungry as I am." With a sigh Germany stood up and walked to the sidewalk corner. He stared at the line of cars with a feeling of resignation and awkwardness. He turned back to his friends.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Yell at them!" Romano yelled. Germany shrugged. He wasn't stupid and suspected Romano was joking, but he might as well let Romano get some form of a laugh.

"HEY YOU! YOUR CAR LOOKS LIKE A PIECE OF CRAP! GET IT WASHED NOW FOR 5 DOLLARS AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY!" Germany's voice boomed across the whole street. Silence descended. Not even the birds made a noise. The poor person he was referring to jumped in their car, and pulled over with great fear. Other countries quickly pounced on it and washed it with unrepresentative relish. The other cars for their part, fled as fast as they could. Germany was surprised. It worked. He picked another car.

"HEY, ARE YOU AN IDIOT? YOUR CAR IS COVERED IN BIRD CRAP! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SORRY CAR OVER HERE FOR A WASH!" The same scene from before played out.

So if you are driving anywhere in the world and you see a group of mainly guys car washing, and there's a blond on the corner, hit the gas. Just do it.

* * *

**A/N: I was at a car wash this weekend and was yelling and holding a sign. It was awkward. I thought it be funny w/germany. Oh and I got sunburned. Which is weird, because I never do.**


	5. TAM when America's in jail

America was sick.

It was just a bad cold, nothing major. But still, he felt so bad he didn't go to the world meeting for the second day in a row, and ended up staying home and watching tv. Who knew, after an Oprah marathon the day before, you would think the cold would beat itself, but to each his own.

Which is why England came to the door.

You see, England has this love/hate relationship with America. He never had a crush on him, but raising someone gives you some form of an attachment to them. So when England saw America missed two world meetings, he went over to see him.

He was in for a surprise.

Of course, he didn't even bother to knock and just walked into the door. There he found America, watching good old American television eating hamburgers. That part wasn't a surprise. It was what America was wearing.

It was a white undershirt was covered by a neon orange jacket. But what made this even more atrocious was the equally bright matching neon orange pants. He was also wearing white socks with black and white striped flip flops. These flip flops didn't have the thing in between the big toe and the other toe. It just went across the ball of the foot with two Velcro straps.

"Are you on house arrest or something?" America looked up from his double quarter pounder bacon with cheese.

"Hey England dude, how did you get in here?"

"I walked through the front door. And again, I repeat you git, are you on house arrest." America looked genuinely confused.

"Why would I be on house arrest?" England did a facepalm. Did the boy he raised turn out to be like this?

"You look like you're in prison."

"Oh, this, Iggy, this is my sick clothes." Dubiously England took a closer look.

"Have you washed them?"

"Not since the last time I was sick." England turned as green as his uniform. "Why?"

"No. No reason." England tried to straighten his face.

"So, why are you hear Iggy?"

"Don't call me Iggy."

"But it's funny when you tell me to stop. You get this funny look on your face." England rolled his eyes. They fall into a silence, staring at the tv. For a moment, you could almost believe they were brothers. Then a burning question made England turn to America again.

"Please tell me you aren't sagging." America blushed.

"Aww, come on Iggy. Give me a break, I'm sick." England looked at America incredulously.

"I DON'T KNOW HOW I RAISED YOU, YOU GIT! YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF DIGNITY!"

* * *

**A/N: My dad has shoes like the ones I mentioned. I like to insult them and call them his jail shoes. When he wears them with white socks, i call the combination jail feet. He doesn't have the jumpsuit though, thankfully. Oh, and I hate sagging. GUYS IT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE AT ALL!**


	6. TAM when Lovino uses sarcasm

Spain was mad.  
Once again, Lovino had made a mess of the house. Crayon covered the wall with every obscene swear word known to mankind, the kitchen was covered in various liquids, the containers that held them strewn across the yard, and worse of all, every single thing in Spain's room was on the roof.

"I step out for two seconds to hit on a girl, and when I come back, the place is trashed." We all know Spain was gone for more than two seconds, but the guys angry; and it's suspected that hyperboles are used more when you are angry. As for Lovino's motive for this, it's unknown, but Lovi is Lovi. Not that it really explains anything.

The only room that he left untouched was of course was his own. The kid was sitting in there, listening to Spain's iPhone. That was the last straw. To see the kid he raised, protected from France, and passed on to him is love for tomatoes, treat him like a dog day in and day out made him want to explode. Lovi, for his part looked very composed; indifferent to the problem. Spain took a calming breath, trying to prevent himself from attacking the kid. He's just a teenager; he's just a teenager, he keeps repeating to himself. He leans against the door.

"Crayon. Very original." Lovino looks up from the music.

"Well, you know. I can't help but be very original." Spain decided to take this time to give Lovi a parent talk.

"Lovi.,,"

"What band is this tomato bastard?" Spain stared at him for a second, and then glances at the outstretched ear bud, dumbfounded. "Well, are you going to tell me or not? I won't be here all day." Spain sighed and sat next to the kid, while he put the ear bud in.

_I need a hero to save me now_

_I need a hero save me now_

_I need a hero to save my life_

_A hero will save me just in time._

Spain pulled away with some regret; it was his favorite song. "It's a band called Skillet."

"Skill It? What kind of band name is that?"

"Skillet, as in, I'm going to put the chicken on the skillet." Lovino gave Spain a scorching glare.

"Oh. You know what is my favorite band?" His voice dripped with sarcasm. Spain shrugged; lately when he thought of Lovi, he didn't think about his favorite band, he thought about how he was going to clean up the messes he made. "It's called Dutch Oven, like the Dutch oven where I cook my bread, you bastard." Silence descends. Then a resounding smack is heard. Lovi touched his head, scowling on the outside, but smiling on the inside.

"Get your smarty self on the roof and put my stuff exactly where you found it!" Lovino went, grumbling, and Spain picked up his iPhone.

"Dutch Oven..." He couldn't help it and chuckled.

* * *

**A/N: I love the band skillet. The dutch oven part came from my dad. My dad is very sarcastic :) (I love sarcasm.) I have a feeling a lot of my story** inspirations might come from him...


	7. TAM with burgers and burning food

America wasn't stupid.

Sure, every other country thought he was. And yes, he does have those occasional slip ups, but everyone has those. He's just very...loud when those slip ups come around.

He was bored one day, so he decided to go on Wikapedia. You know, the site does have some useful stuff. Just don't use it on you bibliography for school. Also, England was over, and banging around in the kitchen. He had run out of flour, and need to make scones for Italy, who was stupid enough to ask if he could try some more of Brittan's food. So, at least America had enough sense to remember to stay in the computer room, the furthest room from the kitchen.

Searching random things was fun to a point, but when it lost it's touch, America decided to look up some of his friend's histories. First he looked up Belarus. (What? She's hot!) Then he looked up his little bro Canadia! Struggling through the partial socialist, partial capitalist economic system got boring. Suddenly a loud crash could be heard throughout the house.

"You ok?" America screamed, which isn't much louder above his speaking voice.

"I'm fine," England screamed back. Ahh, America realized. England. I'll look him up. After reading about the royals, who fascinated him just like the rest of the American public, he decided to look up the monarchy's history. Several of the kings were interesting, but when he got to Henry the 7th, he screamed again, this one sounding like a squealing little girl. England rushed in.

"Are you ok America?" His voice had a panicked edge to it.

"Dude, you know what is so totally awesome, look look!" England did a facepalm.

"America, he's the Burgher king, not the Burger king."

"No, dude I swear, this is the Burger King! He's real! This is so freaking cool!" England put his head in his hands. Just then loud beeping noises could be heard coming from the kitchen, an interesting combination of the kitchen timer and the smoke alarm.

"Crap." England rushed back to the kitchen. Unfortunately the kitchen magically managed to combust when he walked in the door, so he and America ended up running outside. Outside they watched as America's house burned to the ground.

"Remind me to never let you cook at my house." Suddenly, for another odd and unexplained reason, China appeared behind them both.

"How 'bout some Chinese food-aru?"

* * *

**A/N: The burgher king is real. He's the dad of Henry the 8th, the guy with 6 wives.**

**Sorry for doing another America and England one, but it just kinda happened like that.  
**

**Ok, Shockwave () I know you sent in a request for a story, and I really appreciate it. But the reason why I didn't right it is because I don't really want to write that kind of humor for these stories, and I want to keep the rating low. My friend, Meesamagara said she would write it though.**

**So if anyone has any requests send them in. I will not be doing any sex humor and as I said before, no youi yuri or the shonnen-ai (I think that's what it is. If I'm wrong, let me know) even if it's not humorous. I should have more time, because finally my public school has let us go! Just to warn you though, I only plan on updating this story once or twice a week, so I might not get to them all.  
**


	8. TAM when France rides a bike

France has issues.

Duh.

We all know that he's the universal lover. And he's a bit of a jerk to those who he loves. You know, like when he cheats on them, (multiple times) or when he attacks people to show his love. He also sucks as a fighter. He's taken to smacking people around when they are already defeated, just to keep some of that pride going. Also he's due for a revolution right about now, considering how bad his government is doing. Oh and he cuts up his potatoes. Dude, get a life, you can mash them as well. (personally I like mashed potatoes better, but to each his own. To each his own...)

So all in all, this guy needs therapy.

So for some unknown reason he goes to Russia to be his therapist.

This also shows how stupid he is.

Luckily for him, Russia was in a good mood. After giving him coco and making him lay down on the couch, Russia advised that he take a bike ride amongst a field of sunflowers.

The problem is, France didn't have a bike.

Yes, he does host the tour de France every year, and yes he does not have a bike. You see, he's way more interested in getting drunk off of high-end wine and "hanging out" with girls to ever have the time to ride a bike. At least he knows how to ride one though.

"You don't have a bike? Oh France. Well, you can borrow one of mine da?" Just then purple shading appeared out of nowhere and enveloped the gigantic Russian.

"Yessss-yes sir-I mean Russia. Th-that sounds-s like a gr-reat idea!" So Russia, oblivious to what was truly going on, just smiled and grabbed the Frenchman's hand while he dragged him to a room next to the garage. Surprisingly, it was a rather well kept room painted the same shade of pink as Russia's scarf. And while one could think that this would be the beginning of a description for Russian torture devices, it is. For France at least. Wall to wall was covered in bikes. Most of them had were in pristine condition, but a few had signs that Russia (or his sisters in the case of the two purple and pink bikes) had used them. One of them was really beat up though and crusted in dirt, to the point that it might not even be ridable.

"Here you go. You ride this one da?" Of course the one he pointed out was the beat up one. The purple shading of course was still there, so what could France say?

"Of course R-russia."

"Oh, and one thing. You be nice to my bike, or you say hi to my pipe, da."

"Of c-c-course R-rus-sia."

And of course, lo and behold, when he finally goes on a bike ride, he runs or rides into Belarus.

A hottie with a knife. Oh joy.

So, he ends up turning around to pedal beside her. She was walking to Russia's house, and France tried to cajole her into walking with him back home. (Well, it wasn't walking home, more like riding on the handlebars with his arms around her.) The came up to an intersection, and a car was coming. Unfortunately for France the bike Russia gave him to wear have the toe clips that are like stirrups around pedals. And his feet got stuck in them. So when he comes to a stop, he couldn't put his feet down to stop. So as he slowly fell down on the bushes next to him, one thought raced through his head.

"I hope Russia's bike isn't too badly scratched, or else the bike room will be officially titled a Russian torture chamber."

* * *

**A/N: So for Ukraine () I am going to write your story, it will be the next one. My dad got a new bike, and he ended up telling the people that gave it to him about when my mom did this when they were dating.  
**

**Remember if you want to give me an idea let me know, but please follow the rules in the last chapter.  
**


	9. TAM when Ukraine gets wet

Ukraine was excited.

She was going to a have a sleepover at her good friend Lichtenstein's house. Switzerland was stuck at Canada's house due to unforeseen weather complications, but surprisingly he wasn't begging to come home.

Key word, begging. He was probably complaining the whole time, but luckily Canada was used to it. I mean, he has America for a brother. He is required to be an extremely patient person.

Back to Ukraine.

So she skipped up the door to Lichtenstein's door, gigantic boobs bouncing. Due to her exceptional hearing that comes from being raised by a military power, Lichtenstein opened the door before Ukraine could knock.

"Hey Ukraine!"

"Hey Lichtenstein!" The two girls embraced. They didn't know they had so much in common, but one day they started to pass notes to each other in the meeting, all too used to being ignored by the others. Both have overprotective brothers, have suffered form economic difficulties, and have short hair. But when they both discovered they both loved combat boots, all sense of politeness was thrown out the window and they became best friends.

"Here, let me get my wallet, and you can drop off your stuff. Then we can go to the mall." Both girls disappear behind the door and moments later reappear with matching messenger bags; one pink one purple. Arm in arm they head off to the mall.

Just to let you know, the mall is like five miles away because Lichtenstein and Switzerland live out in the county. They're strong girls though. They'll manage.

Unfortunately for these extremely strong girls, while they were able to get safely to the mall and buy the matching combat boots they've always wanted, walking home wasn't going to work out to be the same.

They were walking past a heavily hedged area and talking loudly about what they should eat when they get back. Suddenly, and completely out of nowhere, something cold, wet, and sticky poured from the sky. They shrieked and turned to see where the source came from; their eyes meeting with the fleeing figures of Prussia, France, and Spain with an empty sport cooler of Gatorade. They just glared at the retreating Bad Touch Trio and promptly dropped their shopping bags and purses. Silently they ran after the boys, a pitchfork and rifle appearing in their hands.

I feel bad for the boys.

When business had been taken care of, they went back to pick up their stuff. Soaking wet, they continued the journey. Luckily, they only had a mile left to go, but due to the bright sun, their clothes had dried and was as sticky and uncomfortable as could be.

"Ugh, I need a shower. You know where the guest one is right?" Ukraine nodded and grabbed her stuff to go in there. After her shower (don't tell me you thought I would describe that, I'm not a perv like france!) she stepped out and began to get dressed. Unfortunately, when she went to pull on her bra, the only one available was the sticky one. She put on her bathrobe. Maybe Lichtenstein would have one.

Poor Ukraine. Poor poor Ukraine. We all know that is going to work out perfectly.

* * *

Extended Ending:

Switzerland looked wary as he saw the Bad Touch Trio laying on the side of the road when he was driving in his red convertible home. They looked seriously beat up, riddled with bullet holes in their clothing and an interesting 3 pattern stab wounds. Knowing them, they were probably trying to fake it though, to get his money.

"Switzerland, brother, help us please!" Prussia called out as he passed by.

"Are you crazy," he thought he could hear France say, "Lichtenstein is his sister!" He stopped his car suddenly at this and picked up his larger riffle he kept in the passenger seat of the car.

"I don't know what you guys did, but I'm warning you, I'm a better shot than my sister. You all have 10 seconds to run."

* * *

**A/N:This is for Ukraine () Hopefully I did ok :)  
**

**Oh, and for bad touch trio fans, they aren't dead. They're anime characters, so they'll live.  
**

**Barely  
**


	10. TAM fighting Belarus

Japan was a quiet guy.

You never really knew what he was thinking. Well, except for his touristy moments. Then you knew he was thinking about taking pictures of whatever he was touring. But other than those, you can never tell what was really going on, no matter whether he speaks or not. Did he just lie to you? What did he mean by I'll call you not anytime? How is his uniform so starch pressed and clean? Did he just notice I walked into a tree because I was trying to figure out what is going on through his head?

Even fighting Belarus he was able to keep up a neutral expression. Which is saying something, considering all he's wielding was a Japanese wooden sword called a bokken, and she was brandishing her traditional razor-sharp, steel knife. Don't worry though, this wasn't a one-sided fight. While Belarus has the advantage of a weapon that could kill with a single poke, Japan was a far more experienced fighter and could kill someone with a bokken. (ie: hit them on the top of the head really hard. Or you could pull a France and just smack them around until they want to die from boredom)

They were fighting at one of Japan's ancient-style samurai schools, where you go until the master (Japan) deemed you good enough to be called a master. That didn't happen very often. In fact, since the academy had opened when the country formed no one has earned the title of master. And now of course in 21st century, people don't have the patience to train for their whole lives 24/7 for something they will never achieve. So there were (and still are) no students are at the academy. When Belarus had made a surprise visit claiming she wanted to fight, without any protective gear other than simple white gis (the uniforms they have to wear in martial arts classes), it should have surprised Japan.

Unfortunately, we will never know if it did or not, because no one knows what goes on in his head.

I guess it could be said that he was...alright. Any other word he would do something to contradict. Perspiration beads dotted his head, but his breathing was even. His moves retained a catlike grace that China would be jealous of. Belarus for her part was holding her own against her fellow nation. But despite the fact that she's a crazy psycho chick who likes knives and her brother, she never had the stamina.

And all fights have to come to some dramatic conclusion, otherwise, there is no point in telling them.

So, Japan covertly allowed himself to be cornered by her, but when she took a desperate swipe at his right arm, he parried and quickly rained down his own blows. Her tiredness began to overtake her, and her legs began to go to mush. Blocking wasn't going to happen. So, she quickly decided, if she was to go down, Japan must go down with her. She reached up to his middle to drag him down...

And ended up grabbing his butt instead.

They rolled on the ground, Belarus fighting for dominance due to the fact that she is still in fight mode, Japan scarred for life. Quickly he got up, clapped his hands (the signal for respite) and bowed repeatedly to Belarus. His cheeks were bright red.

"Thank you Miss. Belarus for coming to my house. If you will excuse me." He bowed again (you can never overdo it) and left the room. Belarus was stunned, trying to figure out if she won. Then she shrugged her shoulders; she needed to go find Big brother.

Usually you cannot tell what Japan is thinking. This is an exception to that constant rule.

* * *

**A/N: This was a request for PastaFrost. (Whenever I see your usename, I think of a Russia italy pairing. Just a thought...)**

**Please send me requests! I like requests! Same rules as on chapter 7/8...I can't remember which one :)  
**


	11. TAM when you trip

Prussia was awesome.

And he'd prefer if I ended this story right here and didn't tell you guys any more.

But who said I listen to Prussia?

He got a summer job as an errand boy in a courtroom. The reason why he even got his butt off the couch in the basement was because West placed a lock on the beer and wurst. So unless he wanted to survive on 20 various brands of the same Cheerio product, he was going to have to get a job.

Not like living off of wurst and beer is any better, but it's Prussia we're talking about. He's so awesome he can take on the heart attack he's going to get when he's fifty.

His first day was yesterday. Germany dropped him off at the steps.

"Ok. Remember, take all metal objects off of your person before you go through the metal detector. Do not backtalk anyone, and if the word awesome comes out of your mouth, I swear I will drop you off at Switzerland's house telling him you were eying Lichtenstein." A shaky laugh came out of his brother's mouth, trying to keep his bravado until the end. Germany smirks, then clasped his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Have fun. Good luck. Don't piss off the judge, because if he sues, you're the one that will be paying."

It took the Teutonic Order 15 minutes to get through security, because his friends France and Spain, as a last ditch prank, decided to stuff all of his cargo pockets with change.

"Awe-Cool people don't wear cargo pants," he muttered to himself, West's threat still ringing in his ear. He met up with the lady he was supposed to be working with. She took one look at his pants and Bob Marley t-shirt and frowned.

"Didn't you read the dress code policy?"

"The awe-" He thought of West again and the padlock on the beer and wurst. He cringed. "No." Calling her ma'am would be too much for him though. Her frown only got deeper.

"See to it that you do so. Now, just go in the courtroom and sit in the last row. The lawyers will ask you to do various stuff for them. Do it." Prussia nodded. "Oh, and please, take out whatever contacts you have. It's a distraction to the workplace."

"This is my natural eye color." He left out the stream of curse words he was about to let out.

"Oh." Her voice got small. Then she regained her haughty demeanor. "Well, get to work. You're 15 minutes late anyway." And with that she flounced away.

"I hate West," he mumbled.

* * *

He actually managed to do pretty well. Other than the fact he almost busted a vein because of how much he wanted to cuss or say awesome. The lawyers treated him like dirt, but what did he expect? He was basically their portable assistant.

Luckily for him, it didn't come down to him busting a vein.

He got coffee for the 5th time for some faceless lawyer. All them congregate in the front row because the judge does bail for several people one after the other. So because they never know when their turn is, they just stay at the front bench until they are called. He was walking up there and made a tight turn around the bench. Which is something he thought was totally awesome, but he didn't say it out loud.

But what was totally un-awesome was the large lawyer briefcase the was right next to the bench. He tripped over it and went sprawling on the ground. The coffee cup went flying straight onto the judge's lap. Mortified, Prussia carefully got up. Everyone stared at him like he was crazy. Dignity in shreds, he reverted back to his natural self.

"Screw West," he muttered. Then he spoke up louder. "I am way too awesome to be some freaking errand boy for some lame court crap. So go do your little case crap, but screw you all!" He walked out the back doors, giving the finger to his haughty supervisor as he left.

Hopefully France or Spain doesn't mind him laying low until West's and evil supervisor's anger dies down.

Knowing the two of them, how long will that be?

* * *

**A/N: So I tried to do a double hitter on Wednesday, but it didn't work out. :)**

** So here's another chapter.**


	12. TAM when you get a phone call

Hungary was annoyed.

Her boyfriend was dragging her to the library on a day she would much rather be with her good friend Japan. Not that he was in the mood to right now, after a recent fight with Belarus.

She glanced at her boyfriend, Austria. He had a traumatizing experience lately after he was forced to teach Prussia to play the piano, but she really didn't care now. The library was the lamest place in the world.

"Austria, do we have to go to the library." Sharply he looked at her before returning his eyes to the road.

"We've been through this before. I thought you said that you wanted to spend more time with me, so here's your chance."

Yes, Hungary is one of those girlfriends that says something to get attention, but when it comes to following through, especially when something else sounds better, she ain't gonna follow through.

Hungary just rolled her eyes to this and glared out the window. Austria sighed. The poor guy.

They arrive at the library right as a seminar for how to turn you life around started.

Yeah. We all love those seminars. Such a joy.

So you know how you are supposed to be quiet at the library? Well, this was one of those moments when you were supposed to be even quieter. About 50% of the crowd was elderly seniors who could barely hear when it was dead silent. So if anything, anything, got loud, they would be screaming for people to shut up.

We all know what's coming up next, right?

Austria went off to find his book on harp playing. (He was branching out.), leaving Hungary to sulk in the lobby where the seminar is taking place.

That's the precise moment that Japan decided to call Hungary. Next thing everybody knew, Justin Bieber's Baby was blasting across the library.

_And I was like  
Baby, baby, baby ooh  
Like  
Baby, baby, baby nooooooo_

"These young folk. No respect whatsoever." Hungary's cheeks went bright red and tried to hide her face with her hair, while she desperately punched buttons on her phone. Of course the first button she pressed was the one that just cranked the volume louder.

_Like__  
__Baby, baby, baby ohh__  
__I thought you'd always be mine (mine)__  
__Baby, baby, baby ohh__  
__Like-_

Thankfully she finally found the off button.

When they left the library, Hungary waited until Austria got into the driver's seat of the car. Then she smacked him on the back of the head.

"Remind me to never go to the library with you ever again."

* * *

**A/N:sorry this one is so short. **

**I finally got a picture for this story!**

**Please give me ideas, I love them!**


	13. TAM when England tells a story

England was splendidly drunk.

You know, tomorrow is the Fourth of July. And like any parent, it hurts a little bit when your baby grows up and publicly declares they want nothing to do with you.

So anyway, he managed to get drunk a few hours before a world meeting, which doubled as America's birthday party. And then he made the stupid decision and chose to come and not stay home a sleep it off.

"I th-think AMERICA wil-l-l want me t-t-to-to-to be THERE," he said as he staggered out of the hotel room. What made this decision even more stupider, is that he drove to the party.

Luckily, he managed to not kill/injure anyone. Because if he did, I'd have to make this story a tragedy instead of humor. And there are enough tragedies in this world. Like England going drunk to America's birthday party. It's always a tragedy when a hot animated character makes poor life decisions.

So, I guess this story is a tragedy.

I refuse to change the genre though!

When he got to the party, he discovered it wasn't a place where he could get even more drunk. America had decided to have a kid style party "for old times sake". Basically it entailed lots of sugar, cheesy games, and very disgruntled nations. Those nations ended up acting like the parents, supervising the whole thing. The nations on the sugar high were America, North Italy, Sealand, South Korea, Prussia, and Spain. France of course was the pedophile uncle who had to be subdued by Switzerland, Germany, and Russia. Yes, Russia subdued France. It's something he's wanted to do for a while. England would have joined them, but he's drunk.

He did have somethings he wanted to say though.

"OK Kid-s-s listen up-UP! I have a st-st-ory to tell-l y-y-ou." Despite the awesome sugar high he was on, Prussia was instantly curious.

"AMERICA SHOULD WE LISTEN TO ENGLAND'S POSSIBLY AWESOME STORY?"

"I'M RIGHT HERE YOU IDIOT! YOU DON'T NEED TO YELL!"

"I AM NOT AN IDIOT, I AM AWESOME!"

"FINE LET'S LISTEN."

Just to let you know, that's their normal talking voice. The sugar has absolutely nothing to do with it.

England already had a crowd of most of the nations that at least acted their ages gathered around, although most were there to snap pictures and waiting to shove England in a corner when he finally passed out. The immature nations gathered around quickly, pushing up to the front because they were deserved it.

You gota love kids.

"So I went shop-p-p-ping one day to buy A-america some clothes." He took a deep breath and managed to keep the stutters down. "We walked passed the shoe department. I told him to wait right beside the cart. Of course, he didn't. And when I found him, he was in the shoe department. Guess what he was wearing. GUESS GUESS!" Half the nations cringed back from the screaming Britt.

"I should say something to calm him down, or at least end this before it gets too far. Who knows what Alfred was wearing?" Canada whispered. Then he realized, no one was going to hear him over the screeching drunk Brit.

Thus the life of the Canadian.

"He had on a pair of bright red women's heels. WOMENS HEELS!" He feel back in laughter. Wiping his eyes, he continued the story, with most of the nations attention turned to the bright red hero. "He told me he wanted me to buy them and wore them all the way to the cash register. When I refused, he got out his own piggy bank that he used to carry around him all the time when we went shopping and paid for them! He wore them for weeks afterwards." The Brit started to laughing again, harder than before.

"THE BASTARD STILL PROBABLY HAS THEM, LET'S LOOK IN HIS HOUSE." Every nation but Germany, Switzerland, Canada, and America poured into America's house to search for the elusive heels. Oh and England. Cause this is the moment when he finally decided to pass out.

"I JUST GOT A NEW HOUSE, AFTER IGGY BURNED DOWN THE LAST ONE!" The other three, while mature enough not to pour into the house, couldn't hold back snickers.

This is why you never ever have a drunk England at your house for any reason. It's just bad.

* * *

**A/N: I had to add Sealand to my computer's dictionary. The poor micronation...**

**I got bored with writing the stutter, I don't like reading them, and I wanted you all to get England's story and not read over it because to the stutter. So that's why the stutter's gone.**

**Sorry about Caps lock too. I know that bother's some people. (Don't shoot me! *Italian white flag waving*)**

**I love Germany, Canada and Switzerland. So you, know, it's inevitable they are the mature ones at the end...**


	14. TAM giving a presentation

Liechtenstein was a little naïve.

It couldn't be helped. She was only 12 at the time of the incident in question.

So dramatic, I know. But that's why you 're reading this isn't it? For the awesome moments of drama and not the humor?

Never mind, don't answer that. Moving on.

So she made a powerpoint on President Obama. I don't know exactly why. It's Liechtenstein. She's lived most of her life sheltered under Switzerland's care. Not that that's a bad thing. But with him being so militaristic country, he's always writing reports on other countries. If I were to guess, she was doing a practice report.

But this report, she was going to show to the other countries.

She made sure to use spell check and grammar check and whatever the hell the blue squiggly lines are checking for in Word.

After a short recess for lunch, all the nations took their seats and worked to pay better attention even though they didn't care about the subject matter (except for America). Everyone loved Liechtenstein, and all wanted her to make her feel special.

But what flashed across the screen for the tittle page made them realize how everything was going to go just splendidly.

"President Osama. Can he be reelected?" America's voice rose with every word he read in the tittle, while his face went steadily redder. All the other countries did a facepalm, but held back, as they are all drama sadists and wanted to have something to laugh about. "Are you crazy?" Liechtenstein looked up from her notes.

"Yes America, "President Obama. Can he be reelected?" is my title. I hope I did ok." Half the nations shook their heads. This wasn't right. If only Switzerland was there, but he went out for lunch and hasn't come back yet because of traffic. Canada took pity on the kid and spoke up.

"Uh, Liechtenstein, I think you have the wrong name on the screen."

"What was that?"

"The wind must be picking up again, it did say it was going to storm soon Italy."

"Oh, for a moment I thought a ghost in here."

Poor Canada. Poor Liechtenstein, for at that very moment, America decided to clear things up.

"Liechtenstein, dude, ok, we shot Osama. Obama is our president."

"That's what I said. Obama is your president" She sounded slightly annoyed. Stupid America for ruining her totally pointless presentation.

"No, OBAMA is our president right now. OSAMA was the leader of al-Qaida. We SHOT him. He's dead. What a party that was. You have Osama on your screen" Liechtenstein's mouth worked for a minute, as she processed what just happened and looked back and forth at the screen and her notes. Then she turned bright red and slid into her seat. Fortunately just then, Switzerland walked into the door and saw Liechtenstein's expression. He quickly pulled out his gun.

"What they hell just happened?"

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry for all the errors in here, I really didn't look over it. **

**I want to thank the anonymous person who sent in the last story idea and PastaFrost who sent in this one. **

**I'm going to be out of town on a mission trip all next week, so I will not update until I come back. **

**Thank you all for reading! Sorry this one sucked terribly. **


	15. TAM when evilness backfires

Canada was (and always will be) quiet.

And because he's quiet, people don't often realize where he is, but they can see him.

This is key, because if they couldn't see him, then I wouldn't have a story.

Yes, I know in the anime he's practically transparent, but for the purpose of this story, that's purely artistic license. Because if that was true, I'd be invisible. Despite all the cool ideas people have about being invisible, it's not.

Canada was also naïve. Not to the extent of Liechtenstein, but because of the volume issues, he was a little sheltered.

This is why he thought making friends with Prussia would be a good idea.

Sure, Prussia's disappearing, and he's "invisible" (remember, they can see him, he's just quiet). So they have A LOT in common, right? This was the Canadian's logic.

Yeah, Canada, we need to work on your logic skills.

He went over to Papa France's house because Prussia was still lying low there. West was still mad, and I don't think he's ever going to get over Prussia blowing his first and only job. But you'll just have to keep on reading to find that out, won't you? Kesesesesesese. (Instead of Mwahaha! What, I thought it was appropriate!)

The two of them sat around the kitchen table because France was...out of it... after a certain bike incident with Russia. They were drinking milk. Why? Prussia had a secret evil scheme stuck up his sleeve that was hopefully going to be more successful than South Italy's handlebar mustache.

Yep, a milk mustache.

Luckily for Prussia, and not for himself, Canada complied and one promptly formed. Taking the opportunity, he decided to drive Canada to the mall where most of the nations hang out at.

And lucky for Canada, most of the nations were there. Of course, none of them were brave enough to go up to him and tell him what was really going on. The guys because they barely knew him, the girls because Prussia was hanging on his shoulder the whole time.

"Seystra, I think we should say something to poor Canada."

"Leave it alone sister, he's stupid America."

"That's Canada sweetie. We might need to get your eyes checked."

"NOOOOOOO. Don't damage my pretty eyes with ugly glasses." Canada heard this of course and shot a quiet glare at Belarus. He liked glasses, which is proven by the fact that he wore them on his face. The author agrees with him wholeheartedly, as she wears glasses too.

Back to Canada.

That's when his eyes finally met a mirror. And his 'stache. And to Prussia, rolling on the floor, laughing out loud.

Wow, now I see why people abbreviate that.

To the awesome one's surprise, Canda burst out laughing too.

"Who would have thought, we're twins!" Prussia reached up to his upper lip.

All evil plans with mustache's involved are doomed to fail.

* * *

**A/N:Thank you CuteCanucks-IntimateItalians for sending in this story idea.**

**Thanks to everyone who read my story and sent me wishes for my mission trip. I had a really emotional time. If you want to get a preview of what happened, I wrote a fanfic based off of it. Key words though, it was based off . I wrote the story from Mattie's perspective, so it has problems I feel like he was dealing with mixed in there. I did feel lost in my faith for part of it, but not to that extent. **

**I have 3 more stories that were requested after this. I've come up with a new rule too. If you give me more than one story idea I will do one for sure, and if I run out of ideas I will go back through and look at the others. After those 3, I came up with an idea for China that I'm gonna do, and then all future requests. So...that's the lineup. Please don't be scared off to give me ideas! I still do and always will love them!**

**Sorry to do this to you Canadia! I love you!**

**I learned how to spell moustache while writing this fanfic. Darn, I just spelled it wrong. I have a love/hate relationship with spell check.**

**Wow, you probably want me to shut up now. I'll comply.**


	16. TAM when you go into the wrong bathroom

Finland was a boy.

He still is. No sex-change operations have taken place since the publishing of this awkward moment.

One day he decided to get better acquainted with Russia's sisters. Despite years of fighting Russia, he's the forgive and forget type. Of course, it's taken him all these years to forgive and forget, but at least he's forgiving and forgetting.

Unfortunately, one of the two didn't want to forgive and forget, the other was having a wardrobe malfunction. Guess what kind of wardrobe malfunction Ukraine was having. (The usual.) So they were heading to the bathroom.

And of course, this is when Finland decides to walk up and talk to them.

"Hey Ukraine, hey Belarus. How are you guys?" He said in his adorable little accent.

"Fine."

"Oh, Finny! So good to see you! I got the Christmas present you sent me..." and Ukraine proceeded to forget all about her desire to fix the button that popped off. Luckily Finland is a tiny bit of a ditz, and wasn't paying any attention to her chest. Unfortunately for Ukraine, he is one of the few that don't.

Anyway, they got to talking and refused to stop. Various topics were discussed in a close to an hour period; the weather, crops, weapons, Russia (Finland just politely asked how he was-apparently all wasn't forgiven and forgotten), the upcoming world meeting, Prussia's milk mustache photos that were all over Facebook, and Sealand, who appealed to Ukraine's maternal instincts and the fact that Finland is his uncle.

The whole time Belarus, who was ignored after various failed attempts to include her in the conversation, was getting more and more bored. And angry. Japan knows what it's like to get in a fight with a crazy psycho chick with knives. It scarred him for life.

And she's about to get into a fight.

But this is a public place, she reasons with herself. I need something more practical.

So she starts to pull her sister into the women's restroom. It's where they were originally headed, and even if Finland decided to wait for them, they can always escape through a window or through the walls.

But guess who follows them.

Finland. Oblivious Santa Claus.

And there was a whole teenage group of girls taking pictures in the bathroom.

Oh Finland. I think you might be joining Japan in the scarred for life corner.

* * *

**A/N: So I wrote that whole paragraph on my mission trip story and I never told the title. Smooth, I know. It's call Mission Trip (I wasn't feeling creative.)**

**Thank you Guest who gave me this story idea.**

**Umm. Hi!**


	17. TAM when Belarus passes out

Belarus was a die-hard romantic.

It's surprising a lot more people haven't realized that, considering what it appears she has going on with her brother...

She also was outside, cutting the grass. Why, you are asking? Guess who's coming over.

It's not Russia, if that's what you were thinking.

America? Hell no. What do you think kissing him taste like? Grease. Fat. And some other disgusting stuff that I can't think of right now.

Italy you say. Trying to take wild guesses now aren't you? It's not working. Try again.

Fine. I'll tell you.

The ever-oh-so-smoking-hot Germany.

What the (insert whatever curse/noncurse word of your choice)?

You see, a long time ago Germany and Russia started to hate each other. And so Belarus, being a die-hard romantic with no brains, decided to show affection to Russia in an attempt to get Germany jealous and somehow (she never figured it out in her head either) they'd end up with a happily ever after.

And as we can all see, it never worked.

So this was her last ditch effort in 2012, to finish what she started long ago.

How much do you think Germany is going to enjoy eating wurst with Belarus chanting marry me?

He's going to have the time of his life!

Note that the author loves sarcasm.

Back to the original question. Why was she cutting the grass? Germany loves order. Short grass=order.

I'm a very lucky person that I haven't had to cut the grass yet, but I know it does one thing to you. It makes you hot. And sweaty. And thirsty. So when she finished and had put everything away, Belarus went inside to get some water, and closed her see-through glass door behind her. (Bugs in the house=disorder) Then she went up to change into some fresh clothes and shower. Showers are awesome. Prussian awesome. When she was all freshened up, she went downstairs. Looked out her glass door. No Germany. But then again, he wasn't one to be early. Or late. He was always punctual. So she turned her gaze to the clock

Germany, for his part, didn't really want to come over. But Belarus had gotten a creep aura quite similar to Russia's. While he's smoking hot, and legit-ly strong, taking on the two of them would be too much. So he came. Right on time as usual.

Belarus though, had fallen asleep. Doing yard work was really tiring.

So he knocked on the door.

She jumped sky-high and then ran to the door.

And forgot about the glass.

When she came too, Germany was leaning over her.

"Bist du gut?" Insert creepy shading here.

"Oooh, I'm puurrfectly fine."

Germany promptly turned scarlet, and backed away. Then he ran. Full out sprint. All the way home. Because he's just that much in shape, and scared that much.

Let's just say that Belarus finished what she started. Not only did she finish what she started, but she finished where she started.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks Ita-chan18 for the prompt!**

**Sorry I haven't updated in two weeks. I've been out of town and really lazy. I'll update more soon.**

**Translation (from German 1 I took 2 years ago.) Are you good? (you ok?)**

**Please Review!**


	18. TAM when Denmark is above Sweden

Sweden was upset.

A long time ago, he ran away from "Master" Denmark with Finland in tow. You would think that it would create a sense of...well space. You know, I ran away from you, and you didn't follow me, so just stay away from me for the rest of my life, and I'll ignore you like you don't exist. We don't have to fight like Greece and Turkey, but have the decency to give me some space.

Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen.

Finland kept dragging him to Nordic reunions. Norway and Iceland he was cool with, they were quiet and didn't do things to provoke him.

Unlike Denmark.

He always drank the whole time they spent together, and acted drunk the whole time. Unlike England, who has an extremely low tolerance level, Denmark's was nonexistent. He could drink all day, and nothing at all would happen. His personality was that of a drunkard.

It's as if the beer had a spirit, that realized if this guy was intoxicated, bad things would happen to the world.

Very bad things, considering he knows how to wield and ax.

All in all though, alcohol tolerance level aside, Denmark was just a pain in the butt.

Sweden preferred to use actual cuss word, but I'll spare you the language.

What got him upset in the first place is that IKEA, which is his own company, has the Danish flag higher than the Swedish in what is assumed the Danish stores.

Ouch. That's like the equivalent of a slap in the face.

Only Denmark makes it more like a slap with something gross being rubbed into Sweden's face.

"Hey Sweden! Look at that, I'm better than you. Na na nanana."

Denmark was at America's birthday party and was one of the sugar-high nations, and hasn't really ended the kid act.

You got to love people like Denmark. They won't accept upcoming maturity. I mean, it's ok to be a kid sometimes, everybody but Germany does that. But even when he has to be serious he isn't. Like funerals. This guy will be laughing his pants off, while everyone's crying.

So it's no surprise when Sweden showed up at Finland's door.

"Duck tape."

"What? What's going on Svi?" Sweden looked up to find Iceland instead of Finland, but looking past Icey, Norway and Finland could be seen talking on the couch. Ok, really the person talking was Finland. Iceland saw the glint of anger in Sweden's eyes and turned from the door to get the duct tape leaving the door open.

When he returned he found a unconscious Denmark with a bruise on his head and an unconcerned Sweden.

"Can I ask?"

"Sure."

"What happened?"

"He's Denmark. Nutin needs to be explained."

"Oh. Ok."

And promptly he began to duct tape the Dane.

The next day

Sweden went into the living room after getting dressed in the morning, and found Denmark had vanished. It was a pretty funny night, ignoring his muffeld cries for beer, freedom, and finally attention. In that order.

He got none of it.

But now he's gone.

"Serves him right," Sweden said, ignoring the feeling of unease. He went into the kitchen to make eggs.

"BOOO-AGH!"

That's what's happens when you scare Sweden.

He punches you in the face.

Note to self: no scaring Sweden.

* * *

**A/N: Credit for this story idea goes to Ita-chan18**

**Sorry this sucked.**

**I'm probably going to be updating weekly, though the day will change when school starts.**

**Ugh. 3 weeks left of freedom. **

**Please review!**


	19. TAM when your cow is dishonored

China knew all the Disney Princesses.

Most of the nations do, they just won't admit it. *cough-cough-Prussia-cough-cough*

His favorite is Mulan. It would make sense, considering that she is from his country. He always found one scene in the movie funny. It was when the tiny lizard-dragon-thing named Mushu gets mad at Mulan. She's trying to dress as a man and get into the army.

So our little red thingy says, "I can see straaaaiiiight through your armor," while looking at her cough-cough chest. So what does she do? Like any girl, she smacks the hell at him. So Mushu gets mad.

"Dishonor on you, dishonor on your family, dishonor on your cow!" He basically yells at the top of his lungs, because honor has a lot of value in their culture. What makes this funny is that he cannot recognize that the so-called cow, is actually a horse.

Wow, that's great author. You've been reduced to quoting movie scenes. This isn't funny. I mean, what does this have to do with Hetalia?

It does, just give me a minute.

So, the nations were at a meeting. If you notice, that's where they spend most of their time. Germany attempted to call the meeting to order.

"Potato Bastard! Shut it, no one cares." Everyone rolled their eyes at Romano's immaturity and promptly listened to Germany.

GOTCHA! Knowing the nations, and their wonderful personalities, do you think that they are going to do that?

Well, they did, after Switzy fired his gun to get people to shut up. :D

So the meeting was five minutes underway, right in the middle of France's uniform sales pitch, an unsigned note comes sliding over to Lovi.

DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.

England of course, has to interrupt France to criticize the whole uniform idea. It was pretty stupid, basically everybody could create their own design for the outfit, but it had to be pink. (He was try to get other people to wear more flashy clothes so he wasn't the only target) England, though, because of his intense dislike for France, criticized him more than was really necessary. 5 minutes after their full-out brawl, which included America laughing like a maniac on the side, another note mysteriously went sliding over to England and his former colony.

DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.

And when Prussia gave a speech about how awesome he was.

DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.

When Russia started to torture the Baltics.

DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.

When Greece woke up from his nap, what did he find?

DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.

When Poland wouldn't stop saying the word like.

DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.

When Belarus pulled out her knives.

DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.

When Turkey kept complaining about how hot he was under his mask.

DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.

You get the picture.

Pretty soon, the only person who had not been dishonored was Canada. Because China forgot about him. Oh and China also didn't have a dishonored cow, because why would he want to dishonor his own cow?

As a result of this, there was another fight, this time, it was everybody vs. China. It seems that everyone wants to have their cow's honor back. Unfortunately, for some reason, all the nations with guns were completely stupid and missed/didn't fired and apparently swords, pipes, and knives are all equally useless. Even Switzy, while he hit something, it was just China's wok. So as he dodged all these things, you can guess what China shouted before fleeing for his life.

"DISHONOR ON YOUR COW!"

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**A/N: I love Mulan :D I've been wanting to do this one for while.**

**Haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that. **

**PastaFrost, your idea will be next. I'll try to get it done next monday.**

**Ugh, school starts next week... SAVE ME!**

**I have a poll on my profile, if anyone wants to check. I'm considering doing another one-shot series like this one and I'm wondering what people would want.**

**I want to give a shout out to my friend Meesamegara, just because she's awesome like that. Prussian Awesome! **


	20. TAM when S Italy confesses his love

South Italy was a lady's man.

If you are a girl, he'd be flirting shamelessly with you. Most of fangirls wouldn't hesitate to flirt right back at him. If you were a guy, sorry, you'd get an interesting conversation. Particularly the word bastard would come up a lot. Also some other words, but like I've said before, I want to keep this story k plus.

Anyway, he was talking to Belgium. Talking is a loose term, since neither were using their voices. To be frank, they were texting. S. Italy has had a crush on Belgium since he asked her to kiss him when he was Chibi Romano and backed out.

He had somehow managed to slip his phone number into her purse in the hopes that she would call asking who's number it was.

That plan failed.

So he tried looking her up in Spain's address book, and then calling her.

That plan also failed. He chickened out.

So, plan C. He would stalk her on the Internet.

Always fun, but that doesn't start a texting conversation.

It took him to plan K3 (he went through the alphabet 2xs before the third k worked it's charm.)

What was this charming plan that would get him her number? Wait for her to give it to him. Patience would have to be a key quality in this plan. Luckily, because S. Italy isn't a patient person at all, the next day she texted him. She had asked Spain for his number because she wanted to invite him out skating with them, but had forgotten until afterwards.

Ouch.

After directing his favorite word (bastard) at the absent Spain for getting to hang out with the object of his affections, he texted her back reassuring her that it was fine.

Liar liar, pants on fire.

She texted him back. _How was the Vargas family reunion? _

He rolled his eyes. _Great. Me and Feli had lots of fun._ Yeah right. Him and his brother having fun. Ever since it became apparent that North Italy was better, hanging out with him began to cause emotional distress. Yay for fancy terms.

It took her a while to reply, which made S. Italy anxious. _It's Feli and I. Sounds like fun._

Yeah. Lots of fun.

Right then, S. Italy was ready. I'm gonna confess, I'm gonna confess. I'm gonna confess that I love her.

So he typed out his whole confession. Just as he's about to press send, Spain came in. Spain had is I pod in and was listen to Not Without a Fight by Pillar at full volume. It's a rock song, and Spain being the ditz that he was (and always will be) didn't notice S. Italy sitting at the kitchen table. Somehow Spain managed to smack into him, send both him and his phone, with his unsent confession on the floor, and step on his phone.

Wow, this guy has talent.

After promptly cussing Spain out, S. Italy picked up his phone and pressed send.

A couple hours later he got a reply.

_Wow, fratello, I had no idea you loved me. Ve~_

S. Italy banged his head on the closest wall.

"Bastard."

Enough said.

* * *

**A/N: Noooooooooo school starts tomorrow.**

**Thank you PastaFrost and LilDeadKitty for this idea! I just kinda combined both of yours. I used both Italys, LilDeadKitty b/c I didn't know which one you wanted.**

**In my last awkward moment with Lovi, i used Lovi. From now on, I'm using South Italy. If I have them both in the same chapter, it will be north and south Italy, but if I don't North Italy will be just plain Italy.**

**I'm thinking about writing a 2p Italy story, which is more of suspense with a little bit of romance, and an Iggy romance story. They probably won't be out for a while, but I will announce it on this fic when I get there.**

**I never thought I'd get 20 chapters on this story! Thank you all to all of my readers and reviewers. **

**September Samstar**


	21. TAM when you don't have pants

Estonia was a reporter.

Yeah. That's right. Estonia.

It's unexpected for him. He's a Baltic for Pete's sake; a member of the trembling trio. Russia can generate enough fear in this guy that he doesn't know what to do with himself.

But he's also really smart. And with that smartness comes a certain degree of curiosity.

So it's no surprise that he decided to start _The Hetalia World Post._ It's actually a pretty successful paper. With his computer-genius self, the layout is absolutely stunning. (It's the only reason why France picks it up-the guy has a thing for beauty in any form, except for bikes.) But the articles are actually pretty good too.

Ok, let's just face it, the guy's a genius-everything that even breathes around that paper is freaking brilliant.

Also, Estonia was graced with the power to tell when people were lying, which is very helpful for interviews in today's modern political arena.

Just kidding. Like it's not already possible that people could even be the representations of their countries, let alone have super powers.

Even though he was in charge of the whole paper, set his own deadline, and no one would really mind if the paper came out a day late, Estonia was very meticulous about having the paper just so. It's a side affect of being a genius.

He was working on an article that centered around the different pants that were fashionable around the world. (Darn you Americans and your skinny jeans) Well, he didn't have to work on it anymore because he finished, after staying up until 2 am. A little unknown secret, Estonia got nightmares whenever he stayed up past 12:30. It bothered him because there is no factual reason for why he's like that. But medical problems aside, he dreamed that he was being chased, captured, and attacked by the various pants he was studying. He woke up in a cold sweat.

Ewww. Estonia, you need to shower.

He did and got ready for the day, grabbing his flashdrive on the way out. It was raining, so he also put on a long trench coat. Cue the spy music.

Ordinarily, if he was the founder and the only person on the staff, it would be more logical (in the very least, cheaper) if he worked from home instead of renting office space.

I said he was a genius, but I didn't say he was logical.

And guess what the day was? His birthday. So, Poland set up a party. Estonia's favorite color is blue. Guess what the color scheme was? Pink and zebra print.

All the nations showed up. Except Russia. His invitation got "lost".

Estonia walked into his conference room. Again, this shows a slight lack in logic. He took off his trench coat and reached for his lonely laptop, wondering if someone had snuck in and had a girl's party.

Out popped all the nations yelling surprise. Only their surprise quickly turned to shock, and England quickly knocked out France. No one wants a pervert at a birthday party.

"Estonia, why are you wearing only your underwear?"

"Wait, I'm not wearing pants?"

Note to self Estonia: start drinking coffee in the morning.

* * *

**A/N: Wow. Ok, I know I know I know. I haven't updated. I'm sorry. **

**Thank you russia fan for this story idea!**

**School sucks.**

**Wow, I got really choppy in the end. Sorry bout that...**

**I messed up on this chapter because I put underwear instead of pants in the second to last line, so I want to apologize to everybody. I messed up when I went to go correct it...**

**Thank you LilDeadKitty for telling me this. **


	22. TAM when you forget

Grandpa Rome was a...decent singer.

That was meant to be a compliment.

He actually first started to sing when he was thrust from his retired country home to prevent China and the Allies killing his beloved grandson.

Oh, also Japan and Germany. They were very high on his list of protection priorities. Just his best friend's son, and his other friend's brother, he totally should just let them get crushed by the Allies.

Back to the singing.

When he started to sing at that long ago date, he actually did alright with his subtle tenor voice and...intriguing lyrics.

Just to set the record straight, though, there is nothing wrong with Swiss lovers. (Love ya Switzy!)

Like I said before, he was alright. Except for the end part when he went really high talking about "your lover would-a naturally be Italian! Whahoo!"

As a result, an extremely happy mail girl got to become even more extremely happy by making Grandpa Rome even more extremely happy to get an invitation to an exclusive singing contest.

The words extremely happy were not used enough in the previous sentence.

He started to tell his best friend Germania about it.

"It's better than _American Idol, The Sing-off, and The Voice_ all put together! Dude you have no idea how awesome this is going to be?"

"Cool."

"Why aren't you pumped for this? It's so awesome, it even has this really catchy name. It's...cao - no – kle – no...whatsit? Hmm. This is really going to bug me." Germania rolled his eyes, trying to suppress laughter.

"Well what does it start with?"

"P."

Five minutes later.

"No, it's L."

An hour later.

"G?"

You get the picture.

"I got it!" He said the next day.

"You got what?"

"What the super-duper awesome music show I'm going to perform on is called. Or at least what it starts with. It starts with Q!"

"Great."

"Germania, you are such a party pooper."

"What party? As far as I can tell, you just forgot the name of a show bigger than American Idol that I haven't heard of. To top it off, you will be auditioning in that show. Do you even remember the rest of the name?" Grandpa Rome tried to think for a minute. Then he gave up.

The cycle ended up repeating itself with the last letter.

"H?"

"S! I know it's S."

"What was I thinking-wow, this pasta is really great-it's definitely not S, it's V."

Finally he remembered it was. It was most certainly X.

"Hey, Rome. Have you checked the audition date? You don't want to miss it" At that point, Germania just needed for him to go away right now because he wouldn't shut up.

"Oh, let me got check." Pause. "Hey Germania, what's the date?"

"The 29th, why?"

"The audition was the 22nd"

All this to say, Grandpa Rome forgot that the audition was last week because he was too busy trying to figure out the name of the show. Oh, and he was also kept extremely busy being an Italian.

You have no idea how much energy it takes to eat pasta and take siestas.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, so on the last awkward moment someone pointed out that if Estonia was in Britain he wouldn't be wearing underwear along with the pants. Just to clarify, because I really didn't think it through, Estonia is wearing underwear. He just doesn't like wearing pants because they're...uncomfortable? I don't know, but it wasn't meant to be perverted.**

**Ok, anything with people not wearing pants can be taken pervertedly. It was supposed to be more of an oooops I forgot to wear pants. So I'm going to change that as soon as I publish this chapter.**

**I'm working on 2 stories right now. My 2p italy story I plan to have out as a Halloween Special! Yaaaaaay! Keep your eyes peeled for it, but I will announce it. Right now I'm working on chapter 3 out of 5 and I'm waiting for 1 and 2 to be betaed. The other story, which is like a collection of a lot of extremely short one-shots that all relate, probably won't be out for a while. **

**I'm also thinking of writing a Monaco story, but I have to research her first.**

**If anyone is looking for an angsty fic, I wrote one yesterday called this is angst. I was feeling down. **


	23. TAM with nicknames

Sweden does not like nicknames.

You see, there was a certain incident many years ago that caused this. At this point, you should be on the edge of your seat, wondering whether the author who is struggling to type on a sticky keyboard will tell you this incident. And if you weren't, you get a sticker. Either way, you'll hear the story.

It was 1987...

The third world meeting for the year had ended how these things always do, with every item on the agenda crossed off and all the nation's problems solved. Everyone was happy.

Note that just because we went back in time 26 years, doesn't mean everything is perfect.

Anyway, Japan had to speak to Sweden about some pressing matter, which no one really cares about now. Now, Japan isn't one to shout across the room to try to get their attention, (unlike just about everybody else) but the nations aren't a quiet bunch, so desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Su-san!" He said slightly above normal, to Sweden, who was sitting right next to him.

This could be considered ironic, but it just demonstrates how loud and obnoxious the personifications are.

Now, for some reason, Japan had nicknamed Sweden "Su" for short, and the san part was just giving the guy some respect. Respect is always appreciated.

But Denmark happened to hear this too, as he was sitting on the other side of Sweden.

"SUSAN! YOU CALLED SWEDEN SUSAN. MAN! THAT IS THE PERFECT NAME FOR YOU, SUSAN, CAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A GIRL!"

It can be assumed that everyone else in the room heard this too.

Both Japan and Sweden sunk down in their seats, and neither have lived this moment down since.

* * *

**A/N: That was short.**

**To be honest guys, I'm kinda struggling for this story. I have a hard time writing long stories (as you can see, my others don't go past 5 chapters) and I'd really appreciate some support. Let me know how I can improve or if I'm just not funny any more. **

**I have another fanfic coming out for halloween, it's going to be called broken. It should be out the 26/27th. It's about 2p italy, and it's not as dark as 2p! usually is, it's more psychological than anything. Please, please please read it! I've put so much effort into it; I've been working on it since September, and I got it Beta Read (something I haven't done with any other of my stories!) Please please, please read it!**

**On a sad note, the ruler of Sealand, Paddy Roy Bates, died either extremely early this morning, or very late last night. He was 91 and is succeeded by his son.**

**sadness...**


	24. TAM passing notes

Lithuania was always a worrier.

It can be explained by his friendship with Poland.

Poland doesn't care if he's going to get attacked by some thugs is he is on the wrong side of town at night. He doesn't lock his doors at night or shut his windows. He never, ever looks both ways before crossing the street.

To sum it all up, he cared more about others opinion's on him than his own safety.

Which caused Lithuania to worry about him. And because he worried about him, Lithuania often got dragged into risky situations to prevent Poland from getting into even riskier situations.

So, to prevent Poland from talking during class (something Lithuania counts a risky), Lithuania passed him a piece of paper to express his thoughts.

This might be a good place to interject that note-passing terrifies Lithuania. That scary moment when the note is en route to the other person's desk, and it's extremely obvious that you both are passing notes made his heart beat harder and his whole body break into a sweat.

Last Friday, grudgingly, in fourth period, Lithuania left a blank sheet of paper on Poland's desk. Once his friend arrived (after having to go to the office to get a pass because he was late), his eyes lit up. Bypassing taking out his homework, he started to write the latest gossip in hot pink pen.

And then the scary part: passing the note.

Carelessly, he dropped it over Lithuania's shoulder. Lithuania, of course, is seated in the front row.

Almost the whole class passed by, uneventfully. (If uneventful means a sweaty-palmed Lithuania, and an oblivious Poland.)

Of course, the key word in the last paragraph was almost.

5 minutes before the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, and in the middle of one of those dreaded note passes, the teacher caught them.

And the teacher was one of those teachers.

And by those, I mean one that will read the note out loud in front of the class.

Just to let you know, the last question asked on the note was the age old question-Who do you like?

Let's guess what Lithuania's answer was...

Belarus

And guess who was in the class...

Belarus...

and Russia.

Let the trembling begin!

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys. I still need help for this fic...please let me know your thoughts and how I can do better.**

**So...thanks for reviews and favorites, and keep on reviewing!**


	25. TAM when the unexpected appears

Canada was just a little bit irritated.

Just a little bit.

Just a teeny tiny bit.

You see, Canada had to stay at America's house because his toilet quite simply exploded. And an exploded toilet is not good. So as a result, Canada had to stay over at America's house.

America likes to play Rockband Gigadynamite Ultra-Awesomeness of even more Greatness Version .8.8 and 1/2 at midnight on Tuesday nights. On Tuesday nights, Canada likes to go to bed at 10, so he can be ready for everything the next day will bring to him.

Needless to say, Canada didn't get any sleep that Tuesday night. And when Canada gets sleep-deprived, he gets irritated.

See, we came a full circle from the beginning! Let's give ourselves a big thumbs up!

Now, when Canada gets irritated because of America, usually he pushes the feelings away. This was not one of those moments. (Throwing the baseball at Canada's gut by "accident" earlier in the day probably didn't help America's case either.)

Canada doesn't snap though. He doesn't go insane and kill America all because he wanted attention, all he wanted was the world to notice him. Nope. You see, Canada stayed calm and collected, and created a plan.

An Evil Plan.

A Deliciously Evil Plan. :)

First thing he did was get some hair dye that matched America's hair color, some super-duper- awesome-kind-that-I-don't-know-if-it's-been-invent ed-yet-that-only-lasts-one-day. And then he styled his hair like America's, but he didn't cut it. Don't tell anyone, but Canada's a little vain about his hair. He changed his glasses, did some other things, until he looked exactly like America.

Then he found some of the other nations, while he was dressed as America mind you.

"Sausage sucks." He said to Germany.

"Vait. Vut?"

Canada/America kept going.

"Italy. Pasta is nastaaaaaayy." Italy burst into tears.

"France-All your food sucks." France also burst into tears. Unlike Italy's tears though, they were "manly" tears. Very manly tears.

"England-your food really, really, really, really sucks. You're going to kill someone someday." Suddenly, for reasons unexplained, England turned around. Instead of the green sweater Canada/America swore he was wearing 2 seconds before, he was wearing a pink vest with a blue bow tie. Even more scarily, his eyes swirled pink and blue.

"That's the point little Canada deary."

And that was the end of Canada's escapades. Did he live? Well yeah.

Barely.

* * *

**A/N: So I went on a really long unofficial hiatus and didn't telly you guys. Shame on me. Seriously though, I'm sorry about that. I've been busy with life and have had writers block, and yeah... I've also kinda struggled with this story, because I've kinda felt that I'm not funny anymore and I just need to stop sending you guys this terrible stuff.**

**But anyway, what got me back into the swing of things was this review I got from Anonymous Doitsu saying how she liked how fresh this story was, which really surprised me, so I decided I've been away from this story for too long and this update is her idea. I also want to thank everyone who followed/favorited/reviewed during my hiatus period. Let me know if you sent me in an idea and I haven't done it yet and I will be sure to get on it.**

**I can't guarantee great speed in updating, but I will do my best to be gone for that long. **

**So, some random facts about my life since I've been on hiatus:**

**I got the flu twice.**

**Christmas passed by**

**So did Easter**

**I ordered a whole bunch of books from B&N**

**I discovered I hate school**

**I worked on a crack fic with one of my friends ShoesWithWings and it should be published soon on her account.**

**I wrote a 2p! Italy story.**

**I tried and failed to write a Russia story.**


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